Amor Non Reciprocatus
by Godly Apple Juice
Summary: For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, 'It might have been.' -John Greenleaf Whittier - Just because its love, doesn't mean it's true.


Amor Non Reciprocatus

_Also, this story is unedited._

_(I edited one word. Might find more. Really, why don't people tell me about these things? xD Then again, maybe I really do need a beta reader. ;o )_

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Hetalia, or its characters.

**A/N:** I feel like I haven't wrote anything in ages. I want to though, and I want to read more Spamano. But I feel like I'm too tired to actually do anything productive. So I have an offer, or more like a pathetic plea: Will you guys send me some good Spamano fics? I don't care what genre, I just wanna read the magic. ;)  
So, yeah, now that that's through.

(Also, I had to fight writers block to write this. So this may not be that good. Well, from at least my perspective.)

(P.S.S -is there such a thing as P.S.S?- I just wrote this to advertise the fact that I want to read some Spamano fics, and to show that I'm not dead on here. )

Enjoy.

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_For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, 'It might have been.'_  
-John Greenleaf Whittier.

This was wrong. It was wrong, it was never supposed to happen. These thoughts raced through Lovino's mind, as he stared at Antonio's face as he explained the texture of the Spanish language. These feelings that swelled in Lovino's chest and body were forbidden, they weren't supposed to be there.

With a glare, Lovino tore himself away from his thoughts, and tried to focus desperately on the lesson. _Maybe if I ignore them, they'll go away._ Even Lovino knew it was childish to think that way, but he didn't know how else to react. Antonio laughed suddenly, causing Lovino's heart to thump in his chest painfully.

"Oi, Lovino. Are you even listening to me? You should, because I'm teaching you how to say something that might benefit you in the future." Antonio winked playfully, causing Lovino flush and glare angrily. "Here, I'll say it again. But pay attention, no? Repeat after me, 'Besame mucho'." Antonio grinned.

Lovino could not stress enough how beautiful Antonio was. Antonio, with his tan sun-kissed skin, with bright green eyes that were surrounded with dark eyelashes. Curly brown hair that looked like a nestle of soft feathers. Even his personality was just as charming as his looks, an overjoyed Spaniard visiting a church as a teacher. With an internal sigh, Lovino scoffed and glared away from the awaiting Spaniard.

"Besame...mucho?" He sounded out the words carefully, trying to mimic the words that Antonio had said. Antonio laughed with amusement, causing Lovino to wonder if he had said them wrong. When Lovino was just about to snap at Antonio to be quiet, Antonio managed to say something in between his small gasps for breath.

"Muy bien! Muy bien!" Antonio smiled brightly at Lovino. "That was good, mi amigo. Now, lets go get something to eat. I'm hungry." He stood up, and stretched with a loud yawn. "Eh, it's getting really cold out, isn't it?" Lovino shrugged, refusing to watch Antonio, as he gathered up his supplies in which Antonio said was essential to learn Spanish. "I heard that there is a fall festival, is that true?"

"Yeah, there is always a small fall festival in the village. People play music and dance, along with new merchants selling interesting stuff." Lovino explained, standing up next to Antonio. The both of them began to walk toward the dining area, going into the cool shade of the church. Some people of the church smiled at both of them, but all in all, it was just Antonio and Lovio talking.

"Ooh! Can we go?" Lovino honestly didn't know why Antonio was asking him. Antonio was a few years his senior. But the question, Lovino had a sense of nervous dread that Lovino instantly had to reject. For some reason, seeing Antonio anywhere, at anytime, other than lessons, by himself, it gave Lovino a fluttery feeling in his stomach that scared him a bit.

"No. I don't want to go. I'm sure you can go find someone else to go with." Lovino would be lying if he didn't feel just a tad bit guilty as Antonio's face fell, a sense of regret installing itself in Lovino's mind. But he ignored it.

At last, Antonio agreed. "Yeah, okay." As they both entered the dining hall, and they soon stopped talking about the subject.

…...

Soft snow fell lightly on the ground, and Lovino ran through it, frosts of breath evaporating from his mouth. Almost sliding on the stone floor, he finally made it to the door he wanted to see. Knocking on it, he waited until an elderly nurse open it. She smiled softly at Lovino, and invited him in.

Antonio was sick, just a simple cold. But Lovino couldn't help but worry slightly, as the nurse took the bag of medicine from him and Lovino took off the blanket that he had wrapped around himself when going out. Lovino glanced at the form that was smiling brightly at him from the bed.

"Hola, Lovi! You're so nice, getting medicine for me and all." Antonio's cheeks were flushed with fever, and his eyes were slightly glazed over. But his smile was the same as always, happy. "Gracias!" Lovino sighed, and pulled up a chair next to Antonio's bad. Leaning back in his chair, Lovino crossed his arms, as he glared at Antonio.

"It was nothing." Lovino muttered, his hands rubbing his upper hands in order to get warm. Antonio was smiling, and staring at Lovino, and to be completely honest, Lovino felt uncomfortable under that gaze. Glaring at the nearby wall, Lovino tried to ignore Antonio's heated stare.

For the past few months, Lovino and Antonio had been growing a bit close as friends. Lovino still felt a bit nervous and weird, scared of what he was feeling about Antonio, but the closer they got, the less Lovino started to care. But deep inside, Lovino couldn't explain how he was feeling.

"Now...Hm." The nurse startled Lovino out his thoughts, as he sat up straight and glanced her. She had a frown on her face, her face wrinkled up. "I forgot to tell you the other herb I needed." Lovino felt his stomach drop slightly. Lovino made a move to stand.

"Oh, well, I guess I can-" The nurse cut him off, pushing him back into his chair slightly. She tisked.

"No, no. It's getting dark out, and you're still a bit young to be out at night. Especially in that weather!" She cried, gathering her stuff around the room. Lovino felt like he was about to protest, only saying that he was only fifteen, and that he could do it. But he held it in. "Now, you just stay here and watch over Antonio. I'll go out. I should be back in a few moments."

Lovino watched, with a sigh, as the nurse counted off the list of things he should watch out for while watching over Antonio. He heard it a lot of times before, because he had younger brothers who were often sick during the change of the seasons. As she shut the door behind her, Antonio let out a small chuckle.

"So, Lovino, how...How..." Antonio trailed off, obviously losing his train of thought. Lovino rolled his eyes, and waited for Antonio to start again. "Oh! Uh, how was today? Was it good?" For the last few nights, Antonio had been bedridden because of the cold. Lovino shrugged.

"It...was okay." Antonio smiled. Lovino sneeze, covering his nose with his elbow and turning slightly away from Antonio. When he looked back, Antonio had a small frown on his face. Even when sick, Antonio was still handsome as ever.

"I hope you're not getting sick because of me." He said, his voice slightly weak with sickness and lack of sleep. "Maybe you should go and rest, I'm sure you have better things to do than spend your time with me." He laughed, and Lovino instantly shook his head.

"Nah, it's not a problem." Lovino yawned. Antonio nodded, a sudden bout of coughs suddenly shaking Antonio's form. Lovino leaned slightly forward, worried, as perspiration gathered on Antonio's brow. When Antonio stopped, Lovino leaned forward and pressed the back of his hand on Antonio's forehead. "You're hot." He muttered.

Antonio muttered something in reply, but Lovino didn't hear it, as he got up and proceeded around the room. He grabbed a nearby damp rag, he dipped it in a bowl of cool water, and squeezed it out the excess water. Returning to Antonio, Antonio had closed his eyes and appeared to be sleeping.

Frowning slightly, Lovino noticed how peaceful Antonio looked when he was sleeping. Even when he was sleeping, Antonio had a soft smile that played around his lips, and Lovino tried to ignore the close proximity they were as he leaned forward and began to dab Antonio's forehead with the cloth.

He drew in a sharp breath as Antonio's arms wrapped around him and pulled him down on top of him. Antonio hugged Lovino to his chest, his breath tickling Lovino's hair. Lovino could feel the fever burn into his skin, through his clothes, his own flush gathering in his cheeks.

"What are you doing, bastard!" Lovino hissed, swearing under his breath. Antonio chuckled, and tightened his grip as Lovino tried to struggle from his grip until Lovino finally rested against him. Lovino could feel his heart beating fast, and he hoped that Antonio didn't notice.

"Gracias, Lovino." Antonio whispered, softly, and kissed the top of Lovino's head. Lovino stuttered, unsure of what to say. Antonio seemed to hesitate, but soon just settled with Lovino in his arms, and Lovino could tell that he was drifting off into sleep.

Lovino waited until he felt Antonio's grip loosen around him, and slowly squirmed off of Antonio, his heart still thumping painfully in his chest. This was definitely wrong, and Lovino could only stand and stare at the sleeping sick person.

_He only done it because he was sick with fever, that is all! _With a dry swallow, Lovino attempted to convince himself it was all because of the fever. However, that thought hurt and it seemed forced, but Lovino had to admit it was most likely true.

Lovino decided to push it away, to ignore it, and never mention it to Antonio. As the nurse came back, and Lovino went home, Lovino couldn't help but think back upon the situation that made him smile, but at the same time, it gave his heart a painful tug.

…...

Lovino smiled slightly, at the rose in his hand. It was white, supposedly to mean "Pure love", or something like that. Careful of the thorns, which a napkin was wrapped around the stem to assure that he didn't accidentally cut himself on it, Lovino moved from the garden to go and find Antonio.

For some reason, Lovino decided to show Antonio how much that man truly meant to Lovino. It felt like a horrible plan, but Lovino didn't want to have secrets. For the past month, Antonio has been well, and spring was in bloom. Antonio and Lovino never talked about the hug that happened, and Lovino had a feeling that Antonio didn't know about it. It gave a certain bittersweet relief to Lovino to know that.

As he made his way down the corridor, he heard Antonio call his name. Turning around, he instantly hid the rose behind his back, a blush forming on his cheeks. Lovino blinked, as Antonio came up to him with a pretty woman with blonde hair, and a catlike smile. "Lovi! Meet Bella! Isn't she pretty?"

Lovino had to admit, she was pretty. Very pretty, and Lovino couldn't help but smile slightly at her. "Hello, Lovino." She spoke, and her voice was soft, playful. Lovino couldn't help but notice how she and Antonio was holding hands, and he felt slightly sick. "Antonio told me a lot about you."

"O-oh." Lovino didn't know what to say, a feel of icy numbness took over. It felt like someone had took a bucket of ice water and threw it over him, as a block of jagged ice settled in his stomach, making him feel slightly sick. A small voice in the back of his head whispered. _I should have known..._

Lovino should have know that Antonio didn't feel the same way, he should have known. Hell, even Lovino knew that he should be feeling this way about a man. He was probably going to Hell when he died, for harboring these feelings, but Lovino had forgotten about how Antonio must have felt. How naive he was, Lovino supposed, and he felt his heart give painful jerks, with each breath he took, but he did his best to keep smiling awkwardly at Antonio and Bella.

"Anyways, Lovi!" Everything was suddenly different, but the same. But it was for the best. "We were just about to head into town, to get more supplies for the kitchen. Wanna come?" Lovino shook his head, and Antonio laughed. "Alright, but next time, okay?

"...Yeah. Next time." Next time, Lovino would never be so foolish and naive. Lovino thought about his future, how was he supposed to go on? After this experience, Lovino felt everything that was in store for him was bleak and lifeless, the thought of falling in love again terrifying and unreal.

Still, he smiled and waved a slight goodbye at Antonio and Bella. Saying goodbye to his love for Antonio, and next time he'll see him, it will all be good. That's what Lovino hoped, as he stopped waving and closed his eyes. _I won't be so foolish next time. My love for him is a sin, and that should have been enough to stop caring instantly. But thats the point, I don't care. I __**didn't**__ care. Now, just...move on. _Taking a deep breath, he opened his eyes.

Lovino watched Antonio and Bella walk away, down the blossom filled corridor, sunlight lighting their way into the courtyard. He watched, as Bella tightened her hand on Antonio, and he watched his heart fall and shatter to bits, walking away. The pure white flower, the stem being crushed in Lovino's grip, slowly fell away to the ground, the thorns poking out from the thin napkin, drops of Lovino's blood falling with it.

With a broken smile, he turned and walked back into church, stepping on the white rose on his way.

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_Review, Favorite, or whatever you do on stories that you read._

-BMTM


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